In my next life I want to live backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on the first day.

You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement . You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous , then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school , you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become baby until you are born And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap., larger quarters every day and then …. Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

happy tuesday.


happy tuesday.


you will know

the true value

of a moment


it becomes a memory.

when a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him.
he has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him.
if you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there.
how he forgot where he was going and then he woke up.
if you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel and dreamt of being perfect and then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect.
we’re flawed because we want so much more.
we’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.
the hardest period in life is one’s 20s. it’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous and you’re physically in peak condition. but it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. when you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.

Humility? don’t worry.

it’s a treatable affliction, a mental glitch.

if you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately.

A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

someone once told me that deja-vu is your destiny re-aligning itself.

I wish people were like money. you could hold them up to the light to see which ones were real and which were fake.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don’t take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.

He misses you? Good. He should. You’re sexy, pretty, fun, outgoing and fun to be around. Guys that haven’t met you yet, miss you. But don’t get back together with him, because somewhere out there, there is a guy searching really hard for you. He’s the one who deserves someone as amazing as you, so wait for him. Give yourself to him and don’t go back to the asshole who didn’t realize what he had when you were with him.

i’ll take the ugliest truth over the sweetest lie any day.

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
ruin is a gift. ruin is the road to transformation.

the truth is hard to swallow when you’re choking on your pride.